Time Travel

International flights distort physics, this is a fact.

Stephen Hawkins may have you believe otherwise, and ramble on with his voice synthesizer about event horizons, zero points and string theory, but I know differently, you can distort space and time!

Try this at home if you like, it’s an interesting and disturbing phenomenon.

You will need:

• 1 small cramped seat ( a childs high chair will suffice)
• 1 small confined space (think wardrobe)
• a significant amount of stress (hand out all your inernet banking details to strangers in the street)
• an electric heater
• 50 or so hours of spare time to waste
• A very dark room

Method

1. hand out the card details to raise your stress levels
2. remove your watch so you have no record of the time
3. place the high chair and the electric heater in the wardrobe
4. turn on the heater
5. climb into the highchair and cram yourself in
6. close the wardrobe door and remain seated for 32 hrs
7. get out of the wardrobe for 8 hrs but stay in the dark room
8. get back into the wardrobe for a further 5 hrs

Now go and rejoin civilisation

Results

You will be incapable of making any sense of things for about 48hrs, time will speed up and slow down at random, you will feel sick, dizzy, disturbed and generally shit!

Welcome to my first two days in Vanuatu………………

By the way, things get MUCH MUCH BETTER very shortly……….